Take It Like A Traitor
by KikiKabuki
Summary: ToS1 SPOILERS --Yggrasil offers Zelos the opportunity to run away from his duties as a Chosen. Will he accept their offer and betray his friends? Or decline and fight as the Chosen that he himself so despises..?-- slight one-sided zelloyd.
1. Prologue

(Prologue)

"You want me to _whaaa_?!"

"You desire relief from the title of Chosen, correct?"

"….yeeeeah?"

"And I equally want your little World Regeneration friends dead."

"…" the redhead hesitated. He put his hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow at the blonde before him, saying nothing.

"Well?" Mithos urged.

"I'll do it."

"Wonderful. In three days' time, simply slip this-" he held out a vile, "-into their dinner. They'll fall into heave slumber and an ambush will—"

"Hey, heyyy," Zelos interrupted, snatching the vile from the small boy, "I got it! I know what to do. Who d'you think you're talking to here?! I'm the _Chosen_."

It was still weird for that same Chosen of Tethe'alla to watch that 4-foot-tall, innocent-looking boy smirk like the devil himself. To know that Mithos, the hero of the past, was driven psychotic from greed, and the death of his sister. And more than anything: To imagine what might happen to Lloyd and the other if Zelos failed to make this work out how he planned.

"Of course," Mithos hissed, eyeing him skeptically, "The 'Chosen' that you yourself so hate to be called, you address yourself by…?"

"Bad habit only _you_ can help me break," Zelos replied, grinning to fight off the _Holy-Cruxis-I-almost-just-got-caught_ feeling churning in his stomach.

"If you insist…" the blonde turned his back to Zelos, "Just get it done. No one will hear of this."

And the Angel of Death disappeared before the blue eyes of a betrayer.


	2. Day One

::Take It Like A Traitor::

Day One:

The more I think about that psycho angel, the more I realize I'm not too different.

Just as he'd only ever tried to make his sister happy (only to have her hate him) Seles was the same with me. Both Yggdrasill and I had a sister that we would split worlds for, and yet they repay us by hating our guts.

The only difference was that HE'D had over four thousand years of mulling over his loss to drive him insane. I was sure that if I was given the same amount of time, I'd end up like that creeper, too.

Anyways, unlike anyone might think, I was well aware of what I was doing. It was just the risk and the 'what-if's that made me grind my teeth in anxiety.

We stayed with that old dwarf, Altessa, and his weird doll named Tabatha. We weren't doing much, aside from preparing for the next (and hopefully last) big battle in Cruxis. I couldn't help but watch the group with a sick feeling in my gut. Seeing them all talk, eat, _smile_… it hurt to think of what might happen to all of that. I may take away their chatter, their smiles, their laughter, but the one thing I /refused/ to take from them was their existence. If anyone was to lose their life, I would make sure it would only be a life that would benefit others by being lost:

My own.

I guess that's a bit shallow. Background, anyone?

When I was a kid, my parents' marriage was arranged; forced; _fake_. (Though I was too naive to realize it back then…) They sure as Beast didn't love each other. They _had_ to get married so they could give birth to the Chosen of their world: Me. Zelos Wilder. But, of course, my pop was too high-and-mighty to stay loyal to mother, especially since she was an elf (the lowest race on society's totem pole, as Tethe'alla sees it.). So dad got himself a mistress. Thus, Seles was born. Yep. My accidental affair-conceived sister. She had to be sent to a monastery and kept in secret, so the whole 'Chosen' ordeal wouldn't be offset. Father's mistress didn't like that. At _all_. So one day, while ma and I were out playing in the snow, the mistress used mana to attack me with some sort of spell. Mom got caught in the crossfire trying to protect me, and…well… it's been over 15 years. (an' still missin you, mommy…)

We'll just say I've been workin' my Wahoo off to earn Seles' acceptance ever since then, since she's the only blood family I have left.

The reason I explain all that is so it's explainable; my reason for saying I'd rather get rid of myself than anyone else. If I'm gone, Seles has all the room in the world to live the life she wants, not one hidden from the world. 'Sides, it wasn't like anyone would notice if I was gone, apart from realizing Sheena would be in a better mood, cause she wouldn't have to deal with all the pervy comments I'd make.

Speaking of those comments… have you ever had to flirt overkill-style with someone to cover up a crush on someone else? Not fun. Normally, I wouldn't feel the need to hide if I was into someone, but if the OTHERS knew I was crushing out on the Irving kid, _he'd_ be the one who wouldn't be able to live it down. I don't wanna make the guy's life miserable, yknow? Hey, if he's got the same feeling, he'll say so. If not? …..Well… I wouldn't be surprised. Everyone's in love with the guy. He doesn't just have a branch to pick from. He's got the whole TREE.

Moving right back on topic:

So, I'd made a deal with the bad guys. Big deal. (Haha, pun.) The current situation? Pending plan of action:

I could pretend the deal with Mithos never happened, stay loyal to my friends, and probably put up a good fight until we're all struck down dead…

OR I could keep up the deal, betray my friends, and fish them into their dooms while I become no longer Chosen and live my life according to how _I_choose.

But…say I _did_ have a choice. If I could live however I wanted… What would I do?

What _do_ I want?


	3. Day Two

::Take It Like A Traitor::

Day Two:

I thought about it. A _lot_. To the point where I thought my whole brain would explode. But I'd come to a conclusion:

Sure, the last thing I want in life is to be the Chosen. But in order to get rid of my title, I'd have to go through with Yggdrasill's plan, and offer Lloyd and my friends up to him on a silver platter. After that: Poof! I'm no longer the Chosen and am free to do what I want, be who I want, and be WITH whomever I choose.

What do I want to do?

Fight for the world.

Who do I want to be?

A friend & member of the World Regenerators.

Who do I want to be _**WITH**_?

….Lloyd.

So in the end, I'd only end up helping Mithos out to have what I want, and in doing so, destroy the only thing I want? I don't think so. Catch my drift?

Lloyd and the others…

They're my family now, though I may not be to them. They might not always be there FOR me, but I am always allowed to be there with them.

So, say I decide to do the good guy thing and I remain loyal to my friends, all hunky-dory. But /then/ what? That Mithos-angel guy would KNOW if I didn't go through with the plans. And our group is NOT ready to fight that guy full-on.

I either lead them to their deaths, or I march WITH them to their deaths.

Tomorrow night, Mithos Yggdrasill expected me to put some sort of sleeping drug in everyone's food to knock them out so that he could steal Colette to swipe her soul and use her body as a vessel for his sister Martel's soul, or…some sort of voltin' messed up thing like that. If I didn't do that for him, and everyone woke up while he was kidnapping Colette, he'd unleash his complete power and destroy…well… pretty much the whole world.

I couldn't let that happen. I'd slip the stuff into their food. I'd let him take Colette. And I'd do everything in my shaken power to get her back without a single scratch on her cute little head.

It's a stupid rut to have gotten myself into, but it's not like I coulda said no to Mithos up front. He woulda gone crazy! So either way, I'm betraying and hurting my friends. But it's to save them. Their lives. And thus, the world itself.

They probably won't believe me if we make it through this. They'll probably shun and hate me afterwards. But that hope; that little silver lining telling me that they might still accept me after…that's what gave me the strength to continue on with it.

So, the day faded, dragging the sun down with it and making the atmosphere turn gray with dusk, and then the blunt nighttime.

I stood outside the old cabin of Altessa's, watching for stars that struggled to shine through the smoggy sky. I wanted to freeze it: the time we had left, the hazy moon in the sky… I gotta admit: I was scared. So I breathed in slowly, bathing my lungs in smooth, summer night air.

"….Zelos?"

I jumped and turned to see the spiky-haired brunette peeking out the door at me.

I smiled and turned away. Just what I needed: Some inspiring pep-talk to send me into even deeper guilt.

I kept my back to Lloyd and stuffed my hands deep in my pockets, figuring the rude gesture would drive the kid away. That backfired: My turning away only made him step outside and shut the door behind him with a gentle 'click'.

I tensed when the sound of his footsteps approached closer. I flinched when a cautious hand rested on my shoulder. And I turned away when a warm chocolate gaze tried to meet my guilty eyes.

"Nervous…?" his voice came calmly.

I chuckle-scoffed sarcastically, "You dunno the half of it…"

The sixteen-year-old sat on the ground, patting the spot beside him while looking up at me with expectant eyes.

I plopped down on the ground reluctantly next to him, and sighed. I didn't really feel like talking. Though, (aside from the guilt trip I'd get from it) I wouldn't at all mind just letting him talk, nonstop, and just listening. To his words. His tone. His message. His heart.

I leaned back a bit, propped up by my hands. I watched the dead sand and the silent forest a ways away. I didn't want to look at the sky. I waited, wishing it were any other circumstance I was under while bein beneath the stars with my bud.

Lloyd spoke up smoothly, "I…. I really think we can do this. We can win this thing together…!"

I harrumphed and kept my head down. Not that. Not now.

"It's not that easy, Bud…"

"I never said so. I just know that we've gone through too much to let this go now. To lose it. I believe in us."

…..Wow. The way he said those words... I loathed the fact that they weren't directed towards him and me alone. Naturally, he didn't see me that way.

"Hm…" I pulled my gloved down to scrunch around my wrists, feeling both feverish but chilly, "You're relying too much."

"Huh?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the brunette sit up straight.

I watched the floor guiltily, "already, you've been betrayed so many times. Stabbed in the back. By Kratos, the renegades, your hometown, even Ygg—" I caught myself, then sighed, "Who says it's not happening again, right now, as we speak?"

Lloyd smiled, letting out a small breath and relaxing his shoulder, "All I know…is that what's happening _NOW_ is where I have to be—where I gotta keep my head. Wholly. Completely. And besides, Zelos….."

I turned to look at him when he cut off. He placed a steady hand on my shoulder,

"…I trust you."

It was like a blanket over my shoulder. It was like a dagger in my heart. His faith in me…it put cement to my faith in myself. That what I was doing was right. That it would work out in the end. But it also hurt; he said it like he knew something, but that he was perfectly okay with it.

…could he let me go so easily?

He moved. Closer now; grip on my shoulder tightening. His face mere inches from my own, his sharp eyebrows furrowing determinedly as he scowled at me stubbornly.

"I /trust/ you….!" He shook my shoulders firmly. Damn, the kid was stronger than I'd guessed. Especially the strength of his gaze, searching me, digging into my eyes for some trace of a soul, "Tell me I'm right in doing so, Zelos…. I want to trust you…"

He was so close. I was so overwhelmed. And he was begging me for a sign of loyalty. With my head spinning like that, I didn't know what else to do…

I brought a hand up to hold the kids face still. Brushing my thumb across his thin lips, I leaned in slowly, carefully; intent on proving to him that he could believe in me. /Begging/ him to, when even I myself had shaken and questioned my faith. Everything seemed to dissolve around me. Eyes half-lidded, I went in to close off the space separating his lips from my own—

"….Zelos?"

I paused. Backed up. Looked.

He hadn't moved one inch, other than the look in his eyes morphing from stern concern to are-you-feelin-okay-cause-yer-actin-kinda-weird concern.

I looked away. Of course…heh…_of course_. The kid was sixteen. And sheltered. Like he'd have any idea that that's how someone goes in for a kiss…or that a dude would ever try it on him. And besides—

I stood, turning and walking back inside to lock myself away.

— like he'd want his pure love lowered to the level of my own. …Like he'd want his first kiss tainted by the lips of a traitor…


	4. Day Three

::Take It Like A Traitor::

Day Three:

So here it was: the big day, when I'd begin my traitor trip. I didn't want the day to go by. The faster the day went, the sooner I'd have to play the part of the pawn of the Bad Dudes. Even when I watched the clock, the time didn't seem to slow down. The clock kept ticking. And quicker than usual. Like the sound of drums on a death walk. It was obnoxious, like white noise in the back of my brain.

It wasn't hard to pretend like nothing was wrong: I'd been doing that my whole life. What _was_ hard was avoiding Lloyd's gaze. It was like he knew that I knew something, or he'd realized I'd been tryin' to plant one on him the other day. Once or twice I'd slipped up and he'd caught my eyes with his own. It was scary, and kinda awkward. But at the same time, it was like…those big chocolate-brown eyes, piercing into mine and straight through my heart…it was like they were _sayin'_ somethin' to me. Telling me, "_hey, Zelos…it's okay…it's gonna be okay…_"

……yeah.

Maybe that's weird.

…Is that weird?

……weird.

Anyways,

The whole entire day was kinda off-ish. And I think the others felt that, too. Raine seemed even _more_ engrossed in her studies. Presea wasn't only unusually quiet, but also wouldn't even look at anyone. Sheena hardly noticed my pervy comments, let alone hit me for 'em. Everyone was seriously quiet, which made me feel even louder and more obnoxious than usual.

And Mithos.

The little runt was practically shooting Photons form his eyes. He kept looking at me with this evil grin, and I just wanted to deck the punk in the jaw. I wanted to stand up and yell, _HEY, STOP LOOKIN AT ME LIKE THAT! I'M NOT GONNA KILL THEM, OKAY?!_ But I knew damn well that I couldn't. I just pretended like I didn't notice him staring, and waited for him to look away.

Gawh, every look, every glance, every tiny movement from anyone made my stomach clench and turn over. I wasn't used to this nervous sensation.

Tabatha started dinner. I _seriously_ didn't feel like eating. Let alone slipping a drug into everyone else's dinners and watching _them_ eat. But I did as I had committed to: While Tabatha left the kitchen to replace her battery, or whatever weird dolls like her do, I slunk into the cooking room, poured the contents of the vial into the cooking pot, and left unnoticed.

Y'know, guilt is a sickening feeling. Sometimes, when a person is constantly doing little things that are morally wrong, they become numb to the gut-churning feeling of guilt. But there are some things that people do (like stealing form a museum, killing an innocent man, or betraying your best friends) that can cause a guilt so heavy and unsettling, it could make even the biggest liar, or the Chosen of a world, feel sick to their stomach and queasy.

I, Zelos Wilder, felt that guilt right then.

Everyone sat around the big dining table. Lloyd sat down next to me, making me even _more_ uneasy.

As everyone but Mithos and myself began to devour their dinners, I couldn't help but look over at Lloyd.

…He wasn't eating.

He caught me watching him and looked away quickly, with an awkward nervousness.

The brunette stood from his chair, stating in an empty tone, "I'm not really hungry…I think I'm gonna go to bed…"

When he started to walk away, I nearly frog-lept from my chair, grabbing his wrist.

"Wait!" I called in a panic.

…It got quiet. Everyone stared, mouths still full of food.

I cleared my throat, "Uh…Really! C'mon, Bud! Tomorrow's a big day! You gotta eat _something_!"

Lloyd looked at me skeptically. "Zelos…why are you so concerned…?"

He tried to turn away, but once his back was to me, I pulled him into a hug, nuzzling against his shoulder form behind, "…I'm just worried about you…"

Mithos' snake-like voice arose, breaking the awkward silence, "Well _you_ two seem like good friends…" his voice was smothered in sarcasm.

"Yeah…" I sighed, leaning against Lloyd in defeat, "…..doesn't it…?"

My heart dropped a thousand feet.

It had all begun.

(( to be continued in sequel, soon to be named. ))


End file.
